it's not cheating when I paid for it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
