when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
