there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
