Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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