just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
