I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
