what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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