we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
