god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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