There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
