Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dick very happy bro
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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