You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
