Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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