if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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