god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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