hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
