Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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