Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize