I wannas sexs uuuuu
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
