I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
