Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
