If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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