I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
