I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
