she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
