there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
