my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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