I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
