hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
