bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
