So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
