Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize