I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
