I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
