Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
