just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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