This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So much rum. So many feels.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize