So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
