Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
