those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
