I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize