yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
