I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Randomize