Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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