just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
