i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize