Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize