maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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