I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
