TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
