his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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