but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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