I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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