now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
