I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
