is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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