She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
