I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
