Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Someone signed my nipple.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
