Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
