Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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