bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
