Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
